You know your from Massachusettes when...

You think if someone is nice to you they either want something or they are
from out of town

The public transportation system is known as the "T" and you'd rather
drive in bumper to bumper traffic for 4 hours to get to Bostonthan be
caught dead on the "Orange Line"

You could own a small town in Iowa for the cost of your house

There are 24 Dunkin Donuts shops within 15 minutes of your house and that
is how you give directions

If you stay on the same road long enough it eventually has three different
names

53 degrees is "on the warm side"

You've walked to Brigham's for an ice cream cone "to go" in the snow

You cringe every time you hear some actor/actress imitate
the"BostonAccent" on TV

You call chocolate sprinkles "jimmies"

A water fountain is called a bubbler. Say it " bubbla".

You can go from one side of town to the other in less than fifteen minutes

You know how to pronounce towns like Worcester, Haverhill, Peabody,
Scituate, Chatham, and Leominster

You know what they sell at a "packie"

You keep an ice scraper in your car all year round

Paranoia sets in when you can't see a Dunkin Donuts, ATM or CVS

You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming
traffic so you can make a left

You've bragged about saving money at The Christmas Tree Shop

You know what a "regular coffee" is!

You can navigate a rotary without a problem

You use the words "wicked" "pissa" and "good" in the same sentence

You know what a frappe is

Saint Patrick's Day is your second favorite holiday

You drink tonic and would never consider using it on your hair

You never say "Cape Cod" you say "The Cape"

You went to Old SturbridgeVillageand Plymouth Plantationat least once, in
elementary school, but never to Bunker Hill

You know the Mass Pike and 495 create some sort of strange weather
dividing line

You actually get all these jokes and pass them on!

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You know your from New England when...

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36
inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping it will swim by, you might
live in New England.

If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each
year because Mt. Washington is the coldest spot in the nation, and Boston
gets more snow than any other major city in the US, you live in New
England.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live
in
New England.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year,
you live in New England.

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance, and they don't
work there, you live in New England.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in New
England.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a
wrong number, you live in New England.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A NEW ENGLANDER WHEN:

"Vacation" means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend.

You measure distance in hours.

You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

You have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day, and back again.

You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard
without flinching.

You install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both front and back doors
unlocked.

You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend/wife knows how to
use them.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road
construction.

Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue
spruce.

"Down South" to you means Philadelphia.

Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new shed.

Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

You find 10 degrees "a little chilly."

You actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your New
England friends.

32 comments

Nozzles

I just got done putting in some bigger nozzles in my VW and does it GO now. They claimed 20hp and 40 ft/lbs of torque and they were not lying. My car is so much fun to drive now. It did suck when I got it back together and I couldnt get the car started, it took about 4 hours to get the pump primed again. Once I get a better clutch, as it is on the verge of explosion now, Im going to chip it. Another 30hp and 50 ft/lbs, I fear for my license. The best part is on the highway I will get 6% better fuel mileage, rock on. Im on my way to a hot-rod diesel beetle

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Timbo

I have your lighter. Leave a breifcase full of small, unmarked bills on my front step and you may see it again. No funny stuff!

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Better late than never

Well. I didnt get the job. I was about to sign the contract for a house and found out I didnt get it. Its back to the drawing board, I sent my resume into a company for doing the same job that I do now. That would kick ass.

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Sunshine State, Day 3

Today I got to see some houses in an area that I didnt really like. The houses were nice but they were in a newer neighborhood with no trees. They were also farther from where I would be working than I would want. Im really starting to like the first one I looked at, the area that it was in rocked, and well, it had a pond. Taking a trip tomorrow to look at an area more like the first house was in but its not as close to the beach.

So far I love Jacksonville, its not a touristy place, people are nice and its a lot more laid back than CT. I hope it all works out, its so damn sunny here. Its also supposed to be almost 70 tomorrow, cant beat that.

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Florida, Day 2

Jacksonville rocks. I never realized how big this town is. It covers the entire spectrum of ways of life, city, suburbs, rural and beach. I had the chance to explore some today and I really like what I see. There is a ton of stuff to do and cool places to go. I looked at a house today in a rural area north of here. I really liked it, it was almost 2,000 square ft on an acre of land. It has a pond in the front and a pool in the back. The back yard is full of cool trees with moss hanging off them like you see in the south. It also has a huge concrete driveway that would be perfect for wrenching on my cars. Its in the middle of nowhere but its between the highway and the beach. I know its the first house I looked at but unless something I look at later this week really sticks out I may buy this one. The other areas I will be looking are kind of "good old boy" territory where people like to drive trucks with big tires and shoot stuff, especially yankees like me. I didnt find out when my interview is as the company was closed today. I had to get good shoes when I was out as I didnt bring any with me, they are pretty cool. I also ate at a Krystal burger, which is the southern version of White Castle. If youve never eaten at one of these places you wouldnt understand, they fuckin rule. On the way back from the house my real estate agent took me on one of those ferrys that you drive your car onto, cool stuff. Im so psyched about moving here, January is going to be a crazy month for tying up loose ends at home and making sure my sister is all set. I think Artie misses his sister, poor little guy. I hope Chloe is doing ok without her dad, it the longest Ive gone with not seeing her. Shes in good hands with auntie Joy though, she probably doesnt even know Im gone. Ok Im done for now.

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Florida!

Its good to be back here. I dont care what anyone says, I fucking love heat and humidity. You can take your cold and snow and shove it up your ass. Fuck that shit. Im staying in the area that I will be working and its very nice here. I cant wait to start looking at houses tomorrow. Theres palm trees and everything. I left Chloe with imperium in SC and only brought Artie with me. Its father-son time. I cant wait to bring him places, he has to stay in my house al the time in CT. At some point this week Im planning on hanging out with the lady that got him for me. Im looking forward to seeing her, shes pretty damn cool and one of the few people I can be a huge skunk dork in front of. She asked me to part of a skunk rescue group and I cant wait be a part of that. My car ran really good on the way down here, Im so glad I bought a diesel, the mileage is incredible. I will have exact figures when I fill up tomorrow but I estimate somewhere around 50 mpg, which isnt great but good for "winter" diesel. Signing off in florida.

Tim

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It never ends

Well here I am again bitching about my car. My love for is is dropping at an exponential rate. I need a new phone because I spilled a gin and tonic on it the other day and it shorted it out. I was drving around looking for a phone I wanted in peticular. I get to the mall, the worst traffic in the world and my car breaks down. The engine runs but nothing happens when you step on the gas. Luckily its a diesel so I can shift thru the first three gears without it stalling and do about 10 mph. Im the Christmas spirit of caring for your fellow man a lot of people were beeping at me and my misfortune while I tried to get out of the way and into a parking lot. I should have parked diagonally across the two lanes and shut my car off and locked it. So now it sits in the Marshalls parking lot. I had to dig my 20 year old reliable payed off Mustang out of the snow so I can get around. Now I have to spend more money on it after I splurged on some parts to make it faster. Merry fucking Christmas.

7 comments

HUM

Ever since the first time I heard Stars, HUM has been my favorite band. Theyve been my favorite band for a long time and will be forever. I remember the exact moment I heard Stars. I was 15 at the time in Cape Cod walking thru one of those touristy stores where you can buy boogie boards and cheap snorkeling stuff when I heard it. This song and especially the band are the reason that I am so into music. I remember looking up at the speakers and seeing the colorful seashell decorations on the walls around them. I stood there until the song was over to make sure that I would find out from the DJ who it was. It must have been fate that it was one of the rare times they actually took the time to tell who they had just played. I knew I had to get the CD and the rest is history. I must have bought "Youd Prefer an Astronaut" about 12 times since it went with me on every adventure I went on in my life and that took its toll in the way of scratches on each one. Im inspired to write this as I finally got my hands on "Electra 2000", of one of the two first albums that were so hard to find earlier. Its just as awesome as Astronaut and Downward. Sometimes I will hear pieces of HUM in other bands and songs but its nothing like the complete awesomeness of them.

I almost got to see them twice when they came around here. The first time they played at a bar that was only 21 and over. The second time was somewhere in Mass at a show that 107.3 WAAF was putting on. Of course on their way to a show in Canada a couple days before Mass some asshat that was late to church blew thru an intersection and broad-sided their van and took out all of their equipment. I knew about this when it happened and figured they werent going to be at the show but they were and I missed it. Someone else let them borrow some equipment and they rocked out and I missed it. They broke up on my birthday in 2003 but since then have played a couple of reunion shows, Im at the next one come hell or high water.

6 comments

E-brake again

Well, my e-brake got stuck on again this morning. Not that I can really blame my car cause it was -1 but on the other hand I spent the money to get a car that isnt 20 years old this time so I could probably avoid having problems for at least a little while. I might as well get my horizon back from the guy I sold it to and drive that. FLA in less than 2 weeks! I just might not come back. If it werent for my awesome bed I wouldnt, thats pretty much the only reason Im gonna come back before I move.

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Totally excellent internet radio

www.pandora.com It plays songs and artists similar to the one that you type in. Totally excellent.

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What the damn hell

Friday...it snowed, I knew it was going to snow but was mentally unprepared nonetheless. Anyone that knows me knows how much I hate winter, which is why Im out of here like a fat kid in dodgeball.

1. Woke up still drunk 1 hour 15 minutes after my alarm went off...check

2. ABS brakes stopped working the night before...check

3. E-brake stuck on...check

4. It snowed a fucking lot...check

5. Got plowed in in the parking lot at work...check

6. Got really pissed cause all I had was a broom to dig my car out and it took 30 minutes and I ripped the handle off my door...check

7. Was greeted with a $438 gas bill when I got home...check

Fuck you winter. If the job in Florida doesnt work out and I get one eating bags of shit instead I still wont want to move back to this hell. Also it was 12 degrees when I was driving to work this morning, I cant wait to give all my money to yankee gas.

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NSFW Ahahahahahahahahaha!

http://chrismullins.net/portfolio%20pages/horses.htm

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A dialogue between a liberal and a conservative

(Stolen from omegachimp on Live Journal)

"Stop peeing on me."
"I beg your pardon?"
"I said stop peeing on me."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about the stream of urine running from your penis to my head. I'd like for it to stop."
"Oh, that... What is it that's bothering you about it?"
"What's bothering me about it? The fact that it exists, of course. I'd much prefer that it didn't."
"Oh, that can't be it. Surely there's something beyond its mere existence that's irking you; I mean, you don't blame the stars for shining, do you?"
"Well, no - but then the stars are pretty and they don't smell like pee."
"So that's it, is it? I suppose there's no place in the world for ugly things, is there? I imagine you'd have everyone who didn't fit in with your tidy picture of a perfect little world shoved into concentration camps and gassed."
"Don't be absurd. There wouldn't be any point in gassing pee - you'd just turn it into soda."
"Oh, so it's a question of practicality, is it? You'd be all for gassing my urine if it were a living, breathing person standing in the way of your vision of an aesthetically appealing reality, wouldn't you? You filthy little Nazi."
"I'm not a Nazi, I just don't like being peed on. So if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you would stop peeing on me."
"And I would appreciate it if you would stop being such a bigot."
"What?"
"You heard me. I'm sick of people like you, trying to impose your social norms and aesthetic values on everybody else - why don't you keep your laws off of my body?"
"Why don't you keep your pee off of my body? And how have you managed to keep peeing for this long? What, did you swallow a trough full of water or something?"
"I'm a Buddhist."
"Then why do you have a Star of David around your neck?"
"It's a Star of Buddha."
"A Star of Buddha? There's no such thing."
"Are you a Buddhist?"
"No."
"Then shut up."
"STOP PEEING ON ME!"
"Oh, fine then. There, I've stopped."
"Thank you."
"Your welcome... You know, I would have kept going. I just ran out of pee."
"I know - have you got a towel?"

4 comments

Party and checking image resizer...

Me and Andrew, sober again

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Kickass party at my house

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5 comments

Skunks!

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Hoodies and Rain

Looks like weve been making up for a killer summer this fall. Must be our slice of the global warming pie. It still beats 125 mph winds and broken levees tho, at least my house is still here. New England was cheated out of our signature time of year as it rained away most of our kickass leaf change season. I still havent had any hot apple cider this year since all I want to do is go home and curl up in a ball and pretend my basement isnt flooding again. Followed shortly by going into my basement to suck the water out. I have decided that nothing ever good happens this time of year since you can add not talking to some of my best friends because of stupid stuff. Im so glad I have my skunks, they exist to be fuzzy, warm and funny at any moment. I cant help feeling a little better looking at their little fur covered faces after any peticularly annoying day working for the man. I forget the latin version that started the conversation but one of my friends at work told me a young man had a sign up at his desk and the interpretation of it was "Dont let them grind you down". Simple. No one will ever grind me down. Fuck that. Ive been on a good run for music lately, Ive been all about the hardcore and black metal since all the albums I have got from those genres have kicked serious ass. My ears are suffering, you wouldnt believe the amount of sound you can get out of stock VW speakers unless you own one. I wonder how many beetles are driving around with Dimmu Borgir coming out the windows at old lady scaring volume. The dark, morose sounds of Dimmu go perfect with coming desolate November in New England. Time to get out my hoodie.

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One year ago yesterday...

Oct 8 is the one year anniversary of when my mom passed away. I miss her a lot and would give anything to have her back and not in pain. I ended up staying up all night on friday having a heart to heart with one of my best friends which allowed me to sleep all day on saturday. Im kinda glad that I missed that day, it was raining all day and would have been very depressing. Thanks imperium for our incredible conversation which allowed me to be away from that horrible day. You have been such an amazing friend. I know I can never have my mom back but I know she is with me all the time and I will see her again someday. I miss you and I love you mom. Godspeed.

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Im back!

I actually got back from SC on monday morning but Ive been blind tired since then. I had such a good time. My skunks got to hang out with other skunks while I got to hang out with their awesome parents. On saturday when I got to Joys house there was 10 skunks there, good times Ill tell you. Chloe took a while to come out of her cage and play but Artie was right there playing with everyone, he got attacked by a girl and got a little nervous but he got over it quickly. He ended up making really good friends with Joys skunk Fizzgig since they both like to get into everything. Chloe just kinda waddled around quietly. Saturday night Joy and Chris took me out to a resurant called T.D. Smokers, a BBQ place and it rocked. They cook the meat there and there is different kinds of sauce on the table that you can try. I tried hushpuppies for the first time, I didnt know what they were and took some heat for that. Along with saying wicked all the time. For those of you not from the south hushpuppies are deep fried pieces of corn muffin type stuff and they were good. Sunday went to the picnic and got to see some people I havent seen since last year. Threw a cock around, haha, theres more to that story and ate some good food. Sunday night me Joy and Chris sat around nodding off watching movies. I left monday around 12:30 and got home about 4:30 monday morn so you can see why I was tired. I love the south and my friends and I cant wait to move there. My car got 53.75 mpg on the way down, 763 miles and the low fuel light had not even come on yet, rock on, I love that car. Oh yea I almost forgot. I got one of those prepaid phones on friday before I left that was $30 and for some reason it has a flashlight on it, I was like what the hell would I ever use that for. Then on saturday some drunk redneck ran into a transformer and knocked the power out to half the town. I used my phone light to find my good flashlight, you just never know.

10 comments